Tuesday, June 22, 2010
I wear many hats in my life. Sometimes I feel like I am going to drown because of all these hats and the feelings of disappointment when I don’t live up to the expectations of each “hat” I wear. I am not sure if this post is a pregnancy hormone driven post or if I truly am drowning in all of this with a need for a way “out”. I don’t really want “out” of any of my hats…I just want a way to manage them all better without feeling like I am literally going to suffocate.
The Student Hat:
I am a full time student. I do all my work online but this does not mean I am not studying in almost all my free time just like a student that attends regular college courses. I really struggle with this because my classes are accelerated courses, which means that I have one test per class and if I pass that one test I pass the class. So I study the material, take the test, wait for a pass or fail. I do have 2 times to take the test but it is so nerve racking. I have to make sure that I am going to pass this ONE test to pass the class. It isn’t like normal classes where if you fail a test you can make up for it by doing good on other work. Talk about some stress.
The Wifey Hat:
I am also a full time wife. I feel like such a failure most days with this hat. Mostly because Noah and I do not get alone time. While I am at work, Noah is at home studying for his classes, when I get home, Noah is already gone to school. When he gets home from school, I am in bed. This is our schedule 5 days a week. Noah’s 2 kids, my step babies, Elijah and Kirsten, do not live with us full time but they are at our house every weekend. So we have no weekend time alone either. Not that I want our kids to be gone…but I feel so lonely when I can’t spend a few hours of “quality time” with Noah. We live with my in-laws (which I am eternally grateful for) but that also adds in to our “NO ALONE TIME!” It truly (pardon my language) sucks!!
The Worker Hat:
I work full time too! I work Monday through Friday 8-5. I hate my job most days but I am thankful to have one in this economy. I stress out at home over things at work, mostly things that I can’t control and I know I need to leave at work. I work for a small company and too much is shared here. Too much information coming in from the boss about the financial aspects of the company and too much gossip and hate talk between the women here. I feel out of place because I am usually alone as I don’t fit it any of the “groups” here. I have a moral problem with some of the things that happen here too. It is definitely starting to take a toll on me.
The Step-Mom Hat:
I have two precious step-kids. I blog about them a lot as they are a huge part of my life. No matter what anyone told me, nothing could prepare me for the drama/anger/irritation that comes with being the “step-mom” and comes from the “real mom”. Our kids “real mom” hates me. I really can not figure out why, I wish she didn’t. She hates Noah too. We try and try and try our hardest to keep peace with her and arrange things nicely but she flat.out.refuses! I don’t know if it is the race barrier between us or what. I have never tried to be “mommy” to the kids. I am step-mom, they call me Cori, and that is fine with me. I love them and show them how much I love them. I am there to guide them and be a listening ear when they need it. You would think that a mother would want someone like that in their children’s lives. I know without a shadow of a doubt that if I had to deal with a “step-mom” in my own kids lives that I would pray for someone that loved them and cared for them. This hat also comes with the hardships of disciplining, setting boundaries, etc. It is all a bit overwhelming sometimes but I just try to put my “big girl” panties on and deal with it.
The Mommy Hat:
While my daughter is not born yet, I am still being a mommy. I am preparing for her birth and arrival into this family. Sometimes, I feel like I am alone on this train. Noah is not one of those guys that gets excited about baby stuff. Now don’t get me wrong, he is more than excited about having another daughter to care for and raise in Christ’s name. But he does not care what things are still needed to buy, what color mobile I get for Bella’s crib, etc. I mean let’s face it..not many guys do care about those things! With my mom in another state, I feel like I have gone through that process alone. She does help but can only do so much from over the phone. I am pretty sure this is just my pregnancy hormones talking but I can’t help it.
I also wear several other “smaller” hats in my life as I am sure we all do. Hats such as the daughter hat, the daughter in law hat, the sister hat, the friend hat, and the pregnancy hat (which goes along with the “mommy hat”)
I am trying my hardest to balance all this out. But it is by no means easy. Sometimes I want to scream at the top of my lungs, cry, and lay in bed all day! However, that would leave many hats neglected and we just can’t have that happen can we?
Friday, June 18, 2010
-Miss Isabella weighs approximately 4 lbs 11 oz. and my Dr. does not think she will be more than 7 lbs. But we shall see :)
-Her heartrate is dropping now, which he said it does at the end of the pregnancy, it was 140.
-I have gained a whopping 32 lbs so far! Oh my!
-My blood pressure was perfect!
My doctor does not think that I will go full term though. He is thinking between weeks 37-38, but you never know he says! ha.
I am feeling pretty pregnant these days. I see a change in my belly almost daily, it is so strange that she is getting so big now. I can't believe that I only have 7 weeks until my due date. That is insane to me. I was (almost) 7 weeks pregnant when I heard her heartbeat for the first time!
So here is another belly update:
I am wearing a lot of dresses these days even though at the beginning of my pregnancy I swore I would be wearing pants still. ha ha!
I am now on weekly appointments so get ready for some major Baby Isabella updates coming your way :)
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend...Mine is going to be GREAT because my mommy is coming to town and we have a FULL weekend planned! yay! :)
God Bless :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
So here it is:
1 - What's the specs of the first computer you owned?
We owned a Dell desktop computer when I was in school (no clue on the specs though) but the first computer that I have ever owned myself is the current computer I use! ha! It is an Acer laptop (still not sure of the actual specs though!)
2 - Are you on Twitter/Facebook/etc? If so link it/them up.
Yes, I am on Twitter (@CoriBeach) and on Facebook (can we say 'addicted'?) here.
3 - Who's more to blame for the oil mess in the gulf - BP or the Gov't and why?
I think they are both at fault. Neither are responding fast enough to get things done and I feel like both are dragging their feet in this whole process.
4 - What's your favorite Dr. Suess book?
Horton hears a Who. Definitely :)
5 - What did you want to be when you grew up?
I always wanted to be a teacher. I am currently a paralegal but I am in school for my Bachelor's in Elementary Education. I will graduate in 2014, since it is a 5 year program. I always knew that I wanted to teach. I think my favorite grade will be 2nd! :)
So head on over to The Daily Dribbles and link up too!
Friday, June 11, 2010
Me after the haircut...the stylist styled my hair (not really crazy about that look)
The next day when I fixed my hair...Much better :)
It is so much lighter on my head and cooler!! I was so hot with all that hair before! ha!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
Ok I know this is late (slap me on the wrist) but better late than never right?!
On Memorial Day weekend we took our last trip to AR before Baby Isabella is born. We had a great time and just could not have asked for a more laid back trip. Only Elijah went with us, so it was a little easier with only one kiddo.
Here are some pictures from the weekend :)
On Saturday, we drove down to AR and got there around lunch. We ate lunch and headed straight for my dad’s pool. It felt pretty nice too!
On Sunday, we went to church and also to a family reunion on my daddy’s side of the family. It was in an older building and the smells were making me extremely ill. So my sister in law decided to go take my maternity pictures…we had already planned to do that but after the reunion.
On Monday, we went fishing with my daddy, my
baby teenage little brother, Christian (he is still a baby to me!), Noah, Elijah and Christian’s friend Wilson. The boys had so much fun! I loved watching them fish together. I did not fish (not my thing!)
It was super hot and we spent about 4 hours fishing. I loved spending that time with all my boys ;) Some of my favorite people in this world!! Love them all sooooo much!
Thursday, June 3, 2010
It has been a while since I linked up with Kmama over at The Daily Dribbles for her Thank You Very Much Thursday but today seemed like a good day to do it..so here is my Thank You's-Pregnancy Version!
-To my awful pregnancy hormones, I do not enjoy crying about everything I see on TV or in person. I really honestly do not find that Progressive commercial to be sad in any way, so Thank You Very Much!
-To the braxton hicks contractions that have been plaguing me every 45 minutes for 2 days now and therefore causing me to not have much sleep...Thank You Very Much!
-To the heartburn that causes me much uncomfortableness...Thank You Very Much!
*On a side note-I am thankful that I am pregnant and that God has allowed me to have this special time with my daughter..but I do not like the other things that come with it :)