This is something I struggle with everyday. Letting HIS Will be done instead of what I want. I know I am not the only one who struggles with this but sometimes I feel so alone when I am going through a hard time with this.
My struggle right now is letting HIS will be done in my grandfather's (my mom's dad) health. Yesterday (Monday 02/01/2010) my Papaw had a heart attack. My grandma rushed him to the ER where they stopped the attack and admitted him to the hospital. They said originally that they would need to do an angiogram to determine where the blockage is and then place stents. Well, after the angiogram was performed the doctor told my mom and grandma that things were not as they originally suspected. They were worse. Papaw would need to be med-flighted over to the AR Heart Hospital and need to undergo an open heart surgery. This scares me to death seeing as his heart is already so weak!
I know that God has his own plan for all of us but I want my Papaw so badly to stay here with us. I am not ready to let him go! I want him to meet his new great-grandbaby! I know that is so selfish but I can't help it. That is the human in me.
So I am most definitely struggling with letting God's will take precedence over mine. It is hard. But I am trying hard too! I am praying daily that HIS will be done. I know things will be ok if Papaw goes to heaven but it is not going to be an easy road for my family. My grandmother is an alcoholic, I worry so much over what will happen if she is left widowed. My family is in AR. I live in TN. I am about 150 miles from them. I want to be able to be there and take care of everything but I have my family and my life here to take care of too. So that is causing me a lot of guilt. My mom is there and she is handling things pretty well (I guess as well as expected).
But I am struggling constantly with trying to not be so selfish in wanting things done my way...It is ultimately not our decision..but HIS!
I just talked to my mom and my Papaw will be having a quadruple bypass. The date of the surgery is still unknown. My grandma is drinking pretty heavy right now and we are all worried about her. They have not transferred him to the AR Heart Hospital yet but they will be doing that before tonight. Thanks for the prayers!